You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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