she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
