Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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