My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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