I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
