How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
