Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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