Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
