we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
