Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
