Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
