we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
