Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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