Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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