just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
