if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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