What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Randomize
