Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
