It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
