so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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