goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
