She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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