Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
