you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
