Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
