Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
