I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
