sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
