the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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