Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
