Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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