I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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