We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
