I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
