And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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