Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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