i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
