I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
