Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
