i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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