bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
