first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
