Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
