You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
