Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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