Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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