I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
