His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize