Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
