Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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