I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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