Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
