My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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