dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i would one night stand the shit outta him
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
