: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
