u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
