6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
