i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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