Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
