I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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