There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
