So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
