The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
