Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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